She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
