My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
