You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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