I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
