Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
