Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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