i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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