chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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