He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
