Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
