hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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