i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
