Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
