I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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