We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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