maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
