im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
