Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize