I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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