I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
