is your mom at the bar?
I think my vagina is haunted
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize