yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just threw up on my dentist
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
