All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this will be a night to untag.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
