Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
