We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
