She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
