Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
