i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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