Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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