She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
