Please, let me fuck your mom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
