mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
