remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
