I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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