And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
