they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
