I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
