jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
