i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
