One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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