she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
