walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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