Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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