I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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