I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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