hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
