The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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