Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
