there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
