i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it's like iHOP with fire
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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