remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
