he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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