U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
