just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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