first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
