it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
