Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
