you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize