Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
