4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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