I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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