ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
