The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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