Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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