My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
