it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We have started to decorate penises.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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