hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize