Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
