You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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