He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
