The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
