if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Life is so much better after having sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
