In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
