If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And then he peed in my hair
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