Someone shit on the floor
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
