i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
