she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize