So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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