Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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