So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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