Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
