I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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