We won't sleep together?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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