I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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