I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
