THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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