I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize