Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
