I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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