she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
