You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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