You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize