does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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