During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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