Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
