Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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