Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Houston, we have a squirter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
