You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
