i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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