All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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