Kiss
Puke
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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