he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
