dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
