Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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