i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
