theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize